Hard choices

Who are you?

I don’t even know you anymore

Why have you gone insane?

How do I talk to you now?

I made a difficult choice

The hardest choice I ever made

To choose myself over my brother

To be asked to choose… shows how bad the situation had become

I don’t regret my choice but having had to… was so hard

Maybe I’m the only one who will know how much I loved you

But you knew because I told you so

You knew you knew and you still slipped away

Im so sorry you were in pain

We don’t know where monsters come from

But they visit you

I wish I could see them too so I could fight them with you

Choosing myself shows how much I loved myself, but how hard it was showed how much I loved you. It was never not hard. It was hard every day after. It was hard when you gave me the gift and I had to turn it down. It was hard to see the pain in your face when I walked in the room. It was hard when you told me you were going to kill me and I knew how much you needed me and I had to keep walking the steps of my life. It’s hard now that you’re gone you’re really gone and we never said goodbye. I only started walking and never looked back.

I made a choice that I wasn’t going to give more than this. And that line holds. And it shakes every day, it shakes violently, but it doesn’t change. I never rejected you brother I rejected your madness and confusion and pain. And this is my truth.

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