The prostituted female consciousness

I realize that the female consciousness is prostituted all the time. It’s prostituted for validation and emotional labor, you know, imbalanced marriages, even just the preoccupation with, like, body image. And there doesn’t need to be physical prostitution. Like when I free my mind completely, I notice how much of female behavior has been very subtly traded in a deprecating way. I also realize I was stuck between Western capitalist female independence and Marianismo rules where I was self-sacrificing. And every system that I’m a part of is sort of like a relationship or a family that I had to deprogram myself from. So now I’m realizing there can be a unique path that I choose between being independent and being selfless. And I don’t need to submit myself to these systems for any sort of security or validation from the system itself. And I think that’s something many people do. They believe that security will come from following gender rules. And I’m discovering now that I can create my own sense of security just fine.

Trying to prove my value that I don’t need a man is like trying to prove that I don’t need parents or children or elders or a community. Like, of course I need men in my life. I also need consent. I need freedom. Need safety. I need all these things and I’m not asking for too much. Just because both systems have normalized not giving me everything that I need.

When I say that a woman prostitutes her consciousness, I mean that, for example, my appearance takes up so much of my time, when I realize it’s actually a tiny fraction of what gives my life dignity. But women are not encouraged to live from a place of dignity. They’re encouraged to live from a place of validation, consumerism, fear of aging, fear of gaining weight, fear of not being seen as beautiful. If even one man thinks I’m not beautiful, that’s supposed to be devastating to me. That is a prostituted consciousness, because where does my dignity exist? Where is my existence? Where does my existence have any room to take up space in any social system?