I don’t know if I’ve ever really been loved

I’m listening to the song ‘Push’ from the Barbie soundtrack. Ryan Gosling sings it so well. My brother loved Ryan Gosling. Worshipped him, wanted to be him. The lyrics go, ‘I’m not sure if I’ve ever really been loved.’

It seems like I’m always surrounded by people who feel this way. I guess all imperfect people love imperfectly. I’ve only felt perfectly loved by the dead. And I think we only perfectly love the dead.

It’s weird that a mother can love a child so much that it feels like perfect love to her, and still get a lot of things wrong and end up doing it imperfectly to the child when they grow up. It’s so weird.