I was thinking about how I had this rejection wound from my father and the thought of dating someone in a real way made me terrified of rejection. I was trying to help myself face this, I had enough self esteem to know that it’s possible I won’t be rejected but also I couldn’t self soothe and tell myself I wouldn’t be rejected for certain. I didn’t like the part of me that was scared of rejection I felt I needed to ‘solve’ myself, but then I chose to act more lovingly towards myself and accept that I’m a human and there’s no getting around the fact that rejection happens and it hurts when it does, and I started not to feel ashamed of the little girl I was who felt rejected by her dad. That was a normal response to something he failed to do as a parent and as I child I couldn’t tell the difference between my psychological needs and what was given to me. For my whole life I thought that when I wanted love it was selfish or immature somehow.
I’m going to do something new and accept every part of my child self that feels confused, scared, weak, and needy and needing play and fun.
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