Gold rush

Is it me or you or is it the same? Anyway I can see one of us or both of us or someone, trying to outrun and keep control by staying detached and trying to observe the situation from a distance

But the more you observe and analyze the more the dots connect and conclusions fall into place and leads to the thing you need to run from

I want the dots to connect and yet I don’t

I want to know you’re mine but not that I’m yours but it always ends up being the same truth

I thought it should feel right but it feels wrong it feels all the way wrong, so wrong until there is no more wrong until the wrong doesn’t matter and right doesn’t matter too because without wrong there is no more right so there’s no more wrong

There is no more yes because there is no more no and it doesn’t matter anymore

Everything was a dream and life returns to being a dream

The solution was never to wake up it was to go back to sleep because if you don’t sleep through the dream and wake up on the other side you will live in limbo like I used to

And my consciousness played hide and seek with its own reflection but it was only a game, a tv show of my life

Once the illusion starts to feel real you know you’ve lost something, a connection to another, because an illusion can feel like a perfect connection to yourself but you’re not perfect you are alone and imperfect that is the truth fullstop

My dad thought other people weren’t real cogito ergo sum, you can’t prove to me you exist and thus you can’t hurt me, so what was I who was I? The purpose of philosophy is to ask the unanswerable questions maybe that’s why all I have ever known is the shallow echo of everything I have ever wanted needed

What does it matter to anyone that one dad couldn’t protect one daughter why should it matter but it doesn’t matter so hard that’s why it matters to me

But those men kept telling me I don’t matter, they said my understanding doesn’t matter my decisions we’re wrong they said because I don’t matter anyway they said

If I don’t matter all the way then I will leave the world behind and live above the gold standards of men

Or is it because my choice can change the world of men

They came at me like a gold rush

But for the love of god I couldn’t find that gold

Couldn’t find the woman in me

All I found was genius

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