Begging for chains

Spinoza said the greatest problem of philosophy is why we beg for our chains

I used to be desperate to love someone so that I could abandon myself

The way my father taught me:

Love means letting go, love means sacrifice, love means being selfless, it’s brave to discard yourself for something else, you’re strong if you can ignore your emotions, you’re noble if you ignore your needs

This is how we raised me, to be a empathetic person

Then he went and used up my love on himself

And my heart felt like cattle raised for slaughter

I’ve been clawing at the prison of my brains trying to find the reason why people treat me this way why there’s heartbreak everywhere I turn why you blame me for who you turned me into trying to find the reason why trying to escape trying to be free

free from you

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