After trauma I kept repeating reactions to it as if I was fighting with a ghost. I felt really humiliated when the same experiences happened again. My friends and family looked at me like I was crazy. What’s wrong with her she used to be a smart girl. Why can’t she figure this out.

The shame felt like a glass cage and I couldn’t reach myself inside. I couldn’t let go. Why can’t I figure it out why is there a blank spot in my mind. In my mind my private park grounds where I used to roam and play and be curious and now there was a spot I wasn’t allowed to go

My own mind

But

It

Wasnt

My

Fault

I just lifted that glass wall and crawled inside and I don’t care what’s out there anymore because I am here with me I am here

It’s my right to be tired and small and scared and worried and hurt and beaten

And I don’t have to be happy I am here and I am hurt and my mind feels wrong and broken and how do you want me to describe what he did to me how can I make my words smart and poetic and beautiful that it will matter what I feel because my beauty is not for you it’s mine

The words are mine