Waiting

I will bring you the strength I found in these few days

I was thinking about everything that was taken from me, all the mending and fixing I worked for in the last decade to bring some tenderness to myself

That he selfishly robbed clean

I thought about the gorey emptiness of that lost time

A chunk of my lifetime taken, like an amputated limb, time is like a missing organ

I went to war to fight for everything back, everything that was mine. It was a war of attrition and I lost so much there

Yesterday I surrendered and let the emotionless take me like a sandstorm

My heart was an empty sound tunnel and the sand was a thousand small bullets that sounded like rain

I sat in the emptiness

In the nightmare of not being, of being forgotten and not being and wrongness

I waited

And waited

Parents and friends walked by

Children grew

I waited some more

And then I was.

I woke up to the touch of rain on my face

I am here and my heart is profound as a canyon

As the valley between

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