You don’t realize

You don’t really realize how scared you are

Because language is so slippery

Saying that you’re scared implies that you deserve for someone to comfort you

But that’s not the kind of fear you have

You have the kind of fear where everyone seems stronger and braver than you

Every single person 

Without exception

And you don’t know why

And sometimes you think

She understands

But when I try to reach you you think

But she doesn’t know

She doesn’t know how scared I really am

She doesn’t know the real me

She will never know the real me

Because the real me is too scared

But I am

I am scared just like that

That I forget that I’m scared

Because it’s everywhere and everything

And the only thing that makes me not afraid is being afraid

And that’s life that’s living

So if that’s living then why should I be afraid of dying