my nodal birthday

 Currently, there is a massive astrological energy surrounding my North Node in the early degrees of Aquarius. So I believe Venus, the sun, I think Mercury and Mars as well. They’re all grouping around my North Node, and North Node is the node of destiny or my purpose in this life, which leads me to the next life, which is the direction my soul needs to work towards despite any fears or resistances about letting go of past patterns. And it’s really interesting because currently I’m feeling a lot of the similar themes as when the sun was in Leo on my South Node about six months ago, except I’m seeing things from a completely different perspective, even though the situation feels structurally quite similar, where there’s very similar themes being resolved. And I was listening to some flute music, and the music doesn’t really have a direction, it just has this repeating pattern. And it’s supposed to represent how time is moving circularly, and it helps to allow pain to exist and release without any purpose or without needing to do anything about it. And so, what I’m realizing as I listen to this music is how obvious it is that when I’m living in the narration of my life that I’ve chosen, which feels correct to me, spiritually and in relationship to others, so my narrative that is extremely in close relationship to others, it’s extremely obvious to me that the time and patterns are moving circularly, or well, in a spiral. But always my themes from childhood are spiraling with micro-circular themes that I go through on a daily basis, which are also matching patterns of relationships in my life and patterns. From older lives, and it’s always moving in this spiral because the themes always double back on itself, and they’re always revisited over and over. And I was just surprised because I realized that if I was born today and I had no concept of time, I could easily see how Indigenous people would have thought of time as circular because it’s like really obvious that it’s circular, especially if you’re looking at the world through a relational lens in a deeply relational reality. And it’s only linear when you’re trying to escape that relational reality and, you know, when it comes to like meetings and work and things like that, but all of linear time and capitalism, it does nothing to really stop you from always ending back where you started.

Anyway, I’m calling it my nodal birthday, and to celebrate it, I’m watching The Lion King, which came out when I was about four years old. And I think for my millennial generation and the generation of the Leo South Node, Aquarius North Node, that was a really defining movie, and it really represents what that nodal journey represents, which is that you have someone who was a king or royal figure lose their throne, and in order to regain it, they have to pass through this period of living with vagabonds in the jungle and trying new things and being weird and completely relinquishing their status, which is what Aquarius is. It’s rebellious. It doesn’t care about the status, and it’s unconventional. And… It wants to travel and explore, and it’s the opposite of the Leo archetype, which is about the fixed nature of consciousness, of shining your self-consciousness and worth, and about warmth and bringing this warm, generous energy to the people around you. Aquarius is like humanitarian, and, you know, it’s more logical and thinking about politics, and it thinks about new ways to innovate and reorganize society. But with Simba, you see that he has to pass through this phase of being lost and being unconventional and being someone he’s not really been raised to be or supposed to be, but living in that place where he doesn’t have status and he’s out of his comfort zone for a long time. And then he finds his journey. back to fight the man who killed his father and to reestablish himself in his kingdom. And so you see how the North Node journey isn’t just about moving towards one node or another, but is about finding back what you once lost, but through the journey towards the North Node. And I feel like in the last six months, I really pushed through from that past life to what my present life purpose is supposed to be. It really feels like there was a very intentional, effortful, determined push, probably one of the most intentional things I’ve ever done in my life. I really feel like I took very intentional control of the direction of my life, which is really what working towards your North Node feels like. It feels like you’re not letting very comfortable habits run the script of your thoughts and behavior and actually trying to completely change your orientation to yourself very purposefully.