How it feels to be loved

All the times you siphoned my energy and my mom did too, all those memories are coming up. And i get angry but i know it’s just a release. You took my kareoke personality, I stopped enjoying singing after you took it from me. You can take my “personality” and whatever you want. You don’t even want the one thing that is so safe and beautiful to me right now because your ego can’t see how valuable it is. It’s the humility I have that allows safe consistent love and connection to be recieved in my life.

The humility that it takes to be brave enough to sustain the open wound, the vulnerability that matters. For me to show someone what scares me beyond what I understand, what has hurt me my whole life, and let him love me. Because he wanted to truly know me for the first time in my life. He was curious about me more than what you ever were.

For the first time, love doesnt hurt.

What you took from me, I hope it was worth it. I guess you needed it. Because it taught me that I don’t need it, what I truly want, what’s worth having, is the thing that all my enemies never even cared about. But you can’t take it from me anymore. Not even because I’m protecting it but because you doesn’t even know how to want it.

Now you’re curious about how I’m being loved, how this all works, what is love, what he’s teaching me. What we actually learn from any sport, any discipline, any teacher, any book, any school, is how to love. We learn by being loved. Most of greatness is love.