My mom wants me to be afraid

My mom wants me to be afraid

She wants me to be afraid of my body

When it is not looked at

She wants me to be afraid I will disappear

She wants me to fear losing

She wants to hurt me

She wants me to fight back

And eat her dirt

You want me to break some hearts

And play your game

Where you can decide the rules

But I feel better

Just going to sleep

But you sleep

Dreaming of bombs exploding

Over your head

Your father’s silent hatred

Your love is shaped like a weapon

You shape me into your weapon

I will not dance to your war drum 

I want to be Cinderella

Dressed in rags

No magic dress

No prince

No waltz in the palace garden

No glass shoes 

Or clock to worry me

Just dancing alone

Laughing at the rain 

No one knows

My secret joy 

And freedom