I don’t know if I was ever a person

I don’t know if I was ever a person

At least not in the way the world could see

Inside

I felt it, in secret 

Sometimes I wasn’t sure

If I was real

When guessing got too close to understanding

They took it from me

Again

And I lost control again

I erupted with the anger

Of being birthed

Heaved to life, 

Yet not being born

I lost,

Withdrew my sword

Went back to being a servant

In my own home

But I did dream

I dreamt of roses

A garden

A lover

A life of my own