To be lovable

I don’t want you because you make yourself lovable 

I don’t want you because you wait for me 

and gave me love when you don’t get it back

Maybe I just want to do it

Maybe I know what it feels like to not be loved by anyone 

ever

Despite what it seems

I know what it’s like having to choose joy

Alone

Every day

Out of the emptiness of being in my body

In my life

Laughing just because I have nothing else to loose

you’re so humble that you think you’re arrogant

The things you push and battle with your pride

Is something important unfolding

Something that matters

Something that hasn’t been done in the world before

But you’re too humble to notice any of that

You love the world too much

You love the world more than the world loves itself

That’s why you never feel like you’re enough

How does the sun know that it gave enough light

How does it measure itself?

I know I disappoint you

I am not the second sun that you’re looking for

I will never shine like you do

Don’t hate me for it

I can be a mirror 

I can document and witness and describe

It is a kind of protection too

If you’re willing to take

What I offer

So if you’re going to use me

Then use me all the way

If you’re going to steal me

Steal me all the way