Feb 13, 2025

He never cherished me and that’s what hurts the most. I want to tell him that he didn’t, I want to face him with my truth. But in my imagination when I truly stand up to him and I’m truly owning the truth and in my power, I show him fully that he didn’t cherish me so that he can’t manipulate or pretend he didn’t. And all I see is him sitting numb at his desk, barely listening to me, instead being a shell or echo of a man, the words ‘cherish’ floating like a foreign word to him. And I see the emptiness of his life, how he wasn’t cherished and he never taught himself how to cherish himself, and he may never fully get it. And it’s just sad. It’s apocalyptically sad.

And he leaves me mourning not only that he failed to cherish me, but that he may never recognize what really happened, what we lost. And you leave me a truth with no witness and a grief with no loss.

Yeah I’m realizing that if he never knew what love was then nothing we did together really mattered. Nothing about that time really says anything about what the meaning of love is to me. I had a dream, I tried to share it with him. He didn’t take it. But he can’t break what he can’t understand, what he can’t grasp. He was always trying to grasp me and failing.