The Imaginary world

We went to Nosara to surf today. I was thinking by myself in my own little world. I thought about how hard I’d been trying to find “reality” and the hard life in Central America. Then a reggaeton song came on… Una Vaina Loca. I thought about the exclamation of joy in this. How I connected to this myself. It was in my fantasies, of the ways I wanted to escape the dullness, of the expression and joy and fun I felt inside. I had a fantasy, a desire I wanted to live in. Then I realized this was the “reality” I was searching for—the fantasies of others, the dreams people inside their heads while their bodies were busy surviving the so called real life. This was more real than reality. How many of us were crushed by life, by each other. So many of us escape into fantasy, slip into it without noticing. Another dance, another song, another beer, sip of weed, or another video scrolling, another hour overtime, another meaningless sentence spoken to hide from the silence.

I searched and searched for reality, for substance, to be taken “seriously” only to find that this reality people searched for was more accurately fantasies. Fantasies of hope, safety, excitement, seriousness, fantasies of being important, of being romanced, of being forgiven, so many things…

And me, a solitary girl who lives mostly in her imagination— imagine me being at the heart center of the world, more relevant and connected to the soul of souls than I ever expected to be.