It rained all day on my birthday

It rained all day

It is my second birthday since my brother passed

I tried to find someone to escape the loneliness with

But I ended up being alone all day anyway

I liked driving around the jungle after the rain

I liked doing what I wanted

It’s colder than I thought it would be

I ended up sitting on a bench like a lost kid

I just think about how if we made every day his birthday he would still be here

I tell myself to stop trying too hard to be happy

Because I think it will help

But nothing really helps

Not really

It’s the first birthday I didn’t buy myself a present

I just wanted one thing

To stop pretending to be okay for a day