Times I thought I was going to die

Times I thought I was going to die:

sitting on the floor of the van after telling him I wasn’t ready to have sex

when I packed my things because I had to leave my family now

when I realized he never loved me and I had made a mistake

every night staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out how I got here, like I was a minotaur in a labyrinth, trying again and again to find the right path out but the rules keep changing

begging the lady at the mental hospital to let me check in, I couldn’t go home, I couldn’t stay here

bus rides way too late at night in the bad part of the city, I feel so tired when will I get rest?

I don’t like my hair, my clothes anymore, I don’t feel like a person anymore

I don’t like her anymore, I wrote on a piece of paper telling myself to die

but most of all the silence

controlling me

losing all of me,

who am I without you?